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JJ: Good Evening, this is John Jamison reporting from the mall in our nation's capitol. Tonight we will be interviewing Rabbi Marcus Cohen, organizer of the first Million Jew March against Racism. The march has been scheduled for Sunday, December 26th, 2010 to protest the anticipated failure of Santa Claus to give gifts to the estimated 20 million jews living in the world today.
JJ: Good evening Rabbi Cohen, how are you today?
MC: How should I be? I'm freezing my kishkes off here. Couldn't we do this interview inside?
JJ: Rabbi, I understand that you are expecting one million jews to be here Sunday. That would be a remarkable feat considering the actual number of Jews residing in the country.
MC: No, not really. As in passover we can prove that the 10 plagues are actually 256,000. Therefore, 10 Jews are actually 256,000. If we get 40 to show up that is actually one million twenty four thousand.
JJ: But, to the rest of us wouldn't that seem to be only forty?
MC: What? You see what I am talking about. Jesus walks on water, has a perpetually filling wine goblet. That you believe! Hashem multiplies 40 people into over one million and you question! Well actually you may have a point there but we are expecting a sizeable group as we are serving bagels and lox right after the march. We will also be going to Atlantic City before heading back to Brooklyn.
JJ: What prompted you to organize this march?
MC: I was reading my daily prayers and I had a thought and called out to Sadie, my wife. Sadie! you know what that nice italian family is getting for Christmas? What? She said. A brand new Cadillac. And you know what I got for Hanukkah last week? What? she said. A pair of argyle socks. They are nice argyle socks, but they are most definitely not a Cadillac.
JJ: I don't get your point.
MC: What's not to get? I am the one not to get. This is America, land of the free, land of equal opportunity. Everyone is equal. So why does Santa give the Christian family a brand new $40,000 car and I get a $3.00 pair of argyle socks? Because Santa is a rascist!
JJ: You do realize that Santa is make believe. No body over the age of six actually believes there is a Santa Claus.
MC: Now you tell me? What am I going to do with all those bagels?
JJ: Well, thank you Rabbi. This is John Jamison reporting from the mall.
Meanwhile, somewhere near the north pole:
SC: Ho, Ho, Ho! Hey shrimp, get me my list!
Elf: Here Santa.
SC: Did you check it?
Elf: Twice.
SC: Twice, huh. Barry Levine, is on this list. Isn't Levine a Jewish last name?
ELF: Uh, yea.
SC: How many times have I told you that I do not want any Jews, Muslims and Zoroastrians on this list? I should kick your keyster down the stairs, ya little bastard!
ELF: Please don't beat me again Santa!
To all of my Christian Friends, Merry Christmas! To everyone else, Happy Holidays! HINT: I want a Play Station 3.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Obscure Organized Crime - Part 1: South Philly
This is the first in a series of articles about the history of crime in our cities. Much has been said about infamous personalities such as Arnold Rothstein, Alphonse "Al" Capone and Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow but what about the unkown personalities that in someway or another shapped our cities. Today's story is about a crime war that took place in Philidelphia that shaped the city by forcing beneficial changes in one of the most crime ridden and poorest areas of the city.
It was in the 1960's that reputed crimelord boss Oscar Gilhooey known by his associates as Oscar "G" took control of organized crime in South Philadelphia. A cantankerous, mean spirited person believed to be the child of Irish immigrants, Oscar allegedly came to this country in 1934 with no possessions but the clothes on his back. Oscar always wore green fur coats to display his Irish heritage and claimed to have a pot of gold in his possession. His first job was working with a small time south Philly hood Richard "Dick" Clark, known as "The Boss" who had used intimidation and thug tactics to grow his refuse collection company, PBS Collections, into the largest privately owned trash company on the east coast. Richard Clark also had an interest in the music industry in South Philly and had small interests in a local television station.
Oscar soon met another Irishman, Kermit "The Frog" Sullivan, a dapper and charming individual from Brooklyn and soon became the best of friends. With Oscar's drive and Kermit's keen business sense they soon started their own trash collection company, PIX inc. and forced PBS out of business. Kermit referred to his childhood as living in a swamp and insisted that one day he would be a Hollywood icon.
The garbage collection business did not prove to be profitable enough and Oscar and Kermit recruited a fiscal genious, known as the Count, to take care of their books and financial transactions. Still not seeing the profits they had desired, they had enlisted a greek enforcer, "Snuff" Al Luffigas, to squash any resistance. Snuff was a huge and formidable character who instilled fear among anyone who was not cooperative or crossed their paths. Due to his large size and hairy appearance, Snuff, rarely had to use physical force to intimidate. It was believed that he received the nickname "Snuff" for snuffing out his victims but it had never been documented that he had actually killed or even injured anyone.
All seemed to be going well when Oscar made a comment about two gay men who resided on South Street which was overheard. Bertram O'Connor and Ernesto Padua were definately the wrong persons to snicker at. Ernesto arrived from Sicily about 10 years earlier and was the son of a mafia capo in Palermo. Bertram was known for his fierce temper and fighting skills he learned as a commando during WWII. Word reached the pair from a trusted associate, Bill "Big Bird" Wilson, who was a numbers runner and aficionado of the arts in the historic section and also had a small interest in the blossoming rock and roll music industry. After learning of Oscar's comments and homophobic rantings they had sworn to bring Oscar down.
Preceeded by several incidents on Walnut Street and Chestnut Street, the final showdown occurred on Sesame Street. During the melee popular caberet singer and occasional lover to Kermit Sullivan, Peggy Sue Porcine known as Miss Peggy to her friends, was injured by a flying pie pan. Kermit, upon seeing Miss Peggy fall to the sidewalk, ran to her side and dragged her to safety. Nauseated by the continuing violence the next day Kermit went to city hall and demanded a meeting with Mayor James "Big Jim" Henson. He turned states evidence against the carting industry and Oscar was arrested, tried and sentanced to serve 15 years in Eastern State Penitentiary as the only prisoner.
No charges were filed against O'Connor and Padua. The Count had absconded with much of the monies made by Oscar and Kermit, invested it in off shore accounts and is reputed to atill be living in eastern Europe. Kermit and Miss Peggy entered the protective witness program but resurfaced several years later in California. The twosome appeared in televison shows and a few films. They never attained their dreams of becoming the next Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald. Al Luffigas and Bill Wilson, finding that they had a common interest in food and the arts, opened a chain of chicken restaurants and bought a failing television station in New York City that they named after the original trash collection company. As of today this TV station has been critically succssful even though they continue to have woeful cash shortages. Oscar G is believed to be homeless and living in the streets around the area of his fateful encounter with Bertram and Ernesto.
In our next installment we will discuss the California movie industry and how it was shaped by two colorful rathscalions, brothers Barry "Bugs" Warner and Dan "Daffy" Warner who charmed millions from investors with the intention of absconding with the investments, and inadvertently turned a failing movie studio into one of the great successes of the 1950s.
It was in the 1960's that reputed crimelord boss Oscar Gilhooey known by his associates as Oscar "G" took control of organized crime in South Philadelphia. A cantankerous, mean spirited person believed to be the child of Irish immigrants, Oscar allegedly came to this country in 1934 with no possessions but the clothes on his back. Oscar always wore green fur coats to display his Irish heritage and claimed to have a pot of gold in his possession. His first job was working with a small time south Philly hood Richard "Dick" Clark, known as "The Boss" who had used intimidation and thug tactics to grow his refuse collection company, PBS Collections, into the largest privately owned trash company on the east coast. Richard Clark also had an interest in the music industry in South Philly and had small interests in a local television station.
Oscar soon met another Irishman, Kermit "The Frog" Sullivan, a dapper and charming individual from Brooklyn and soon became the best of friends. With Oscar's drive and Kermit's keen business sense they soon started their own trash collection company, PIX inc. and forced PBS out of business. Kermit referred to his childhood as living in a swamp and insisted that one day he would be a Hollywood icon.
The garbage collection business did not prove to be profitable enough and Oscar and Kermit recruited a fiscal genious, known as the Count, to take care of their books and financial transactions. Still not seeing the profits they had desired, they had enlisted a greek enforcer, "Snuff" Al Luffigas, to squash any resistance. Snuff was a huge and formidable character who instilled fear among anyone who was not cooperative or crossed their paths. Due to his large size and hairy appearance, Snuff, rarely had to use physical force to intimidate. It was believed that he received the nickname "Snuff" for snuffing out his victims but it had never been documented that he had actually killed or even injured anyone.
All seemed to be going well when Oscar made a comment about two gay men who resided on South Street which was overheard. Bertram O'Connor and Ernesto Padua were definately the wrong persons to snicker at. Ernesto arrived from Sicily about 10 years earlier and was the son of a mafia capo in Palermo. Bertram was known for his fierce temper and fighting skills he learned as a commando during WWII. Word reached the pair from a trusted associate, Bill "Big Bird" Wilson, who was a numbers runner and aficionado of the arts in the historic section and also had a small interest in the blossoming rock and roll music industry. After learning of Oscar's comments and homophobic rantings they had sworn to bring Oscar down.
Preceeded by several incidents on Walnut Street and Chestnut Street, the final showdown occurred on Sesame Street. During the melee popular caberet singer and occasional lover to Kermit Sullivan, Peggy Sue Porcine known as Miss Peggy to her friends, was injured by a flying pie pan. Kermit, upon seeing Miss Peggy fall to the sidewalk, ran to her side and dragged her to safety. Nauseated by the continuing violence the next day Kermit went to city hall and demanded a meeting with Mayor James "Big Jim" Henson. He turned states evidence against the carting industry and Oscar was arrested, tried and sentanced to serve 15 years in Eastern State Penitentiary as the only prisoner.
No charges were filed against O'Connor and Padua. The Count had absconded with much of the monies made by Oscar and Kermit, invested it in off shore accounts and is reputed to atill be living in eastern Europe. Kermit and Miss Peggy entered the protective witness program but resurfaced several years later in California. The twosome appeared in televison shows and a few films. They never attained their dreams of becoming the next Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald. Al Luffigas and Bill Wilson, finding that they had a common interest in food and the arts, opened a chain of chicken restaurants and bought a failing television station in New York City that they named after the original trash collection company. As of today this TV station has been critically succssful even though they continue to have woeful cash shortages. Oscar G is believed to be homeless and living in the streets around the area of his fateful encounter with Bertram and Ernesto.
In our next installment we will discuss the California movie industry and how it was shaped by two colorful rathscalions, brothers Barry "Bugs" Warner and Dan "Daffy" Warner who charmed millions from investors with the intention of absconding with the investments, and inadvertently turned a failing movie studio into one of the great successes of the 1950s.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Grand Jury
I recently had the privilege to serve as foreman of the Kings County Grand Jury for two weeks. On the first day the Warden had reviewed our juror cards and asked me if I would like to serve as foreman. Obviously the warden instantly was able to see the leadership qualities that I exude. Either that or when I told him I had worked for the Housing Authority for nearly 26 years he figured I was a glutton for punishment. In actuality, I threw a tantrum, stomped my feet and cried " I wanna be foreman!" and held my breath until he agreed.
On the first day of actually sitting on the jury the warden informed me that I will be sitting in the seat normally reserved for the judge all the way up in the podium. Now, I have no problem going before an audience, friendly or hostile, but this was somewhat uncomfortable. All I could see where 22 other jurors looking at me probably thinking why would anyone volunteer for this. So there I am sitting way up in nosebleed territory with plastic sleeved cheat sheets detailing what I have to say and do. I knew that this position of leadership would be a thankless and difficult job so I selflessly took the responsibility in order for my fellow jurors could concentrate on their responsibility in assessing evidence and testimony and making a fair and unbiased decision when we voted.
Not only did I get to sit in the judge's chair, I got to swear in the witnessess and defendants, remind them that they were under oath when they returned to the bench, sign the indictments, announce the verdict and had the opportunity to remind one defendent's counsel that she was an observer and not allowed to participate, twice! I also got to play with the microphone and play the Indiana Jones theme song on the PA.
During the two weeks we had seen an almost endless procession of Assistant District Attorneys (ADAs), witnesses and defendants. It has come to my attention that all the male ADAs were handsome and dashing and the female ADAs were gorgeous. I thought to myself, self, who would I cast for each of the ADAs if we could make a TV series of Grand Jury. Dennis Quaid, Goldie Hawn and Meg Ryan would be ideal, if they were thirty years younger. After I got through this fantasy I realised that the show would probably be cancelled before we even filmed the pilot. Contrary to what you may believe (and I am sure that you already do not believe this) Grand Jury is boring!
What I found most interesting was the fact that nearly all of the police officers giving testimony get really nervous before the eyes of the grand jurors. These officers confront some of the worst examples of the population, in seedy and dangerous areas, putting their lives on the line every second that they work, and put them before the jurors you can almost feel their urge to take flight.
After watching the ADAs work I figured I could do this with my eyes closed. All I need to do is spend $140,000 at the Brooklyn Law School for their part-time program and 7 to 8 years of my life and I can be up there orating before a grand jury and getting indictments and eventually becoming a judge. Of course by the time I finish I will be 65 years old and $140,000 in debt which will probably not be paid back before I passed on to that great court room in the sky.
Technically, you don't have to be an attorney to become a United States Supreme Court Justice so I still have an outside chance of getting to sit on the bench again. Watching all ninety versions of Law and Order and reading John Grisham novels will have to suffice for now.
On the first day of actually sitting on the jury the warden informed me that I will be sitting in the seat normally reserved for the judge all the way up in the podium. Now, I have no problem going before an audience, friendly or hostile, but this was somewhat uncomfortable. All I could see where 22 other jurors looking at me probably thinking why would anyone volunteer for this. So there I am sitting way up in nosebleed territory with plastic sleeved cheat sheets detailing what I have to say and do. I knew that this position of leadership would be a thankless and difficult job so I selflessly took the responsibility in order for my fellow jurors could concentrate on their responsibility in assessing evidence and testimony and making a fair and unbiased decision when we voted.
Not only did I get to sit in the judge's chair, I got to swear in the witnessess and defendants, remind them that they were under oath when they returned to the bench, sign the indictments, announce the verdict and had the opportunity to remind one defendent's counsel that she was an observer and not allowed to participate, twice! I also got to play with the microphone and play the Indiana Jones theme song on the PA.
During the two weeks we had seen an almost endless procession of Assistant District Attorneys (ADAs), witnesses and defendants. It has come to my attention that all the male ADAs were handsome and dashing and the female ADAs were gorgeous. I thought to myself, self, who would I cast for each of the ADAs if we could make a TV series of Grand Jury. Dennis Quaid, Goldie Hawn and Meg Ryan would be ideal, if they were thirty years younger. After I got through this fantasy I realised that the show would probably be cancelled before we even filmed the pilot. Contrary to what you may believe (and I am sure that you already do not believe this) Grand Jury is boring!
What I found most interesting was the fact that nearly all of the police officers giving testimony get really nervous before the eyes of the grand jurors. These officers confront some of the worst examples of the population, in seedy and dangerous areas, putting their lives on the line every second that they work, and put them before the jurors you can almost feel their urge to take flight.
After watching the ADAs work I figured I could do this with my eyes closed. All I need to do is spend $140,000 at the Brooklyn Law School for their part-time program and 7 to 8 years of my life and I can be up there orating before a grand jury and getting indictments and eventually becoming a judge. Of course by the time I finish I will be 65 years old and $140,000 in debt which will probably not be paid back before I passed on to that great court room in the sky.
Technically, you don't have to be an attorney to become a United States Supreme Court Justice so I still have an outside chance of getting to sit on the bench again. Watching all ninety versions of Law and Order and reading John Grisham novels will have to suffice for now.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Islamic Center Controversy in New York
I haven't felt outraged enough to add any new items to my blog but there has been a controvery brewing for the past three month that I have been verbal about but have not committed to writing. As many of you are aware there is a proposed Islamic Cultural Center being proposed on Park Place a mere throw of a stone from the World Trade Center site.
Politically I am slightly left of the middle. I believe in the GOP's doctrine that government should not be too big. However, I also believe that the government's responsibility is to watchout for their citizen's interests and regulate when necessary. The failure of the government to do so during the last administration has led to the economic problems that exisit today. By saying this I am in no way giving the Dems a free pass. Many of these problems exisited during Clinton's administration and were not corrected. Regardless who is in charge there is one constant, and that is that money is power.
Now that I have established my political position, I can now establish as to how I feel about the Islamic Cultural Center being built near the World Trade Center site. I am for it. I have read many of the editorials and letters to the editors of several news magazines and newspapers. The vast majority of people are either vehemently against it being built at this site or at other site or feel that it sould be built but at a different location far, far away (perhaps in Iraq). Once it is accepted that you can infringe on one groups rights it makes it easier to infringe on others.
I would like to emphasize that the atrocity was not perported by every Islamic practitioner in the world. It was done by a small faction of terrorists that not only enginered this attack against us but also ongoing attacks against countless muslims in the Middle East, Africa and Asia. Were there non-participating muslims that celebrated the attack here? Yes, but bear in mind that there are many "Christians" in this country that would like to wreak havoc and destruction on their fellow citizens as well. Case in point, Timothy McVeigh and the Denver Federal Building Bombing.
We love to go to the Renaissance Festival in Tuxedo, New York and usually visit it every other year. The faire romanticises chivalry and honor and the wonderful things about the age of King Arthur, Robin Hood and Ivanhoe that we have read as children. What they glossed over (or didn't cover at all) was that the crusaders, in their quest to save the birthplace of Christianity, killed and maimed thousands of Muslims AND Jews. They sacked and plundered the towns and cities,raping the women, and pillaging the fields that they came across on their journey to the holy land.
The Muslims at the time of the Crusades invented the number systems that we use today, they invented advanced mathematical concepts and excelled in the physical sciences. They had strongly promoted arts and culture and when the Jews were driven out of other areas of the world, they were invited in and made an integral part of their society. This had changed in the late 1900's by the British, French, Germans and the Dutch who had split these lands in their Colonial quests and pitted each group against one another. Divide and Conquer! As long as you can get the Arabs and the Jews (both semites and of common origin) to hate each other your position of power is exponentially strengthened.
Isn't it time for the hate to end? If hate causes divison, shouldn't acceptance foster understanding and unification? Is the WTC a sacred place? No. It should be a site were we can start to make changes in the way we percieve and react to each other. If the site was sacred, why are there strip clubs in the same area? If the area was sacred why are they building office and retail space on the site and not just a shrine? Who would the site be sacred to? Christians, Jews, Muslims and Buddists were among the people killed. The causalties were not only Americans but foreign nationals as well.
Lately the newspapers were printing articles about how the Imam of the center owns some slum property in New Jersey. How many Rabbis and Priests were accused (and some convicted) of pediphile and embezzelment and being slum lords over the past ten years? Would there be the same furor to stop a Jewish or Christian Cultural center from being built at the WTC site if this was the case?
Living in a multicultural city I have known and worked with people of different races, religions and creeds. What I have learned is when you have a common goal you learn to work with each other and you learn to like and respect each other (in most cases). There are a billion muslims in this world and their population is growing. We must put our differences aside and embrace our commonalities or we will continue to face hate and distrust.
It is not the American people that are disliked by Muslims and other groups around the world. Young muslims embrace American culture. It is the governments and the quest for money and power by people within and on the outskirts of government that are not trusted. I for one share that mistrust. The young muslims will be the leaders within the next 10 years. Let's not alienate them. Peace is cheaper and a lot more productive than warfare and occupation.
Politically I am slightly left of the middle. I believe in the GOP's doctrine that government should not be too big. However, I also believe that the government's responsibility is to watchout for their citizen's interests and regulate when necessary. The failure of the government to do so during the last administration has led to the economic problems that exisit today. By saying this I am in no way giving the Dems a free pass. Many of these problems exisited during Clinton's administration and were not corrected. Regardless who is in charge there is one constant, and that is that money is power.
Now that I have established my political position, I can now establish as to how I feel about the Islamic Cultural Center being built near the World Trade Center site. I am for it. I have read many of the editorials and letters to the editors of several news magazines and newspapers. The vast majority of people are either vehemently against it being built at this site or at other site or feel that it sould be built but at a different location far, far away (perhaps in Iraq). Once it is accepted that you can infringe on one groups rights it makes it easier to infringe on others.
I would like to emphasize that the atrocity was not perported by every Islamic practitioner in the world. It was done by a small faction of terrorists that not only enginered this attack against us but also ongoing attacks against countless muslims in the Middle East, Africa and Asia. Were there non-participating muslims that celebrated the attack here? Yes, but bear in mind that there are many "Christians" in this country that would like to wreak havoc and destruction on their fellow citizens as well. Case in point, Timothy McVeigh and the Denver Federal Building Bombing.
We love to go to the Renaissance Festival in Tuxedo, New York and usually visit it every other year. The faire romanticises chivalry and honor and the wonderful things about the age of King Arthur, Robin Hood and Ivanhoe that we have read as children. What they glossed over (or didn't cover at all) was that the crusaders, in their quest to save the birthplace of Christianity, killed and maimed thousands of Muslims AND Jews. They sacked and plundered the towns and cities,raping the women, and pillaging the fields that they came across on their journey to the holy land.
The Muslims at the time of the Crusades invented the number systems that we use today, they invented advanced mathematical concepts and excelled in the physical sciences. They had strongly promoted arts and culture and when the Jews were driven out of other areas of the world, they were invited in and made an integral part of their society. This had changed in the late 1900's by the British, French, Germans and the Dutch who had split these lands in their Colonial quests and pitted each group against one another. Divide and Conquer! As long as you can get the Arabs and the Jews (both semites and of common origin) to hate each other your position of power is exponentially strengthened.
Isn't it time for the hate to end? If hate causes divison, shouldn't acceptance foster understanding and unification? Is the WTC a sacred place? No. It should be a site were we can start to make changes in the way we percieve and react to each other. If the site was sacred, why are there strip clubs in the same area? If the area was sacred why are they building office and retail space on the site and not just a shrine? Who would the site be sacred to? Christians, Jews, Muslims and Buddists were among the people killed. The causalties were not only Americans but foreign nationals as well.
Lately the newspapers were printing articles about how the Imam of the center owns some slum property in New Jersey. How many Rabbis and Priests were accused (and some convicted) of pediphile and embezzelment and being slum lords over the past ten years? Would there be the same furor to stop a Jewish or Christian Cultural center from being built at the WTC site if this was the case?
Living in a multicultural city I have known and worked with people of different races, religions and creeds. What I have learned is when you have a common goal you learn to work with each other and you learn to like and respect each other (in most cases). There are a billion muslims in this world and their population is growing. We must put our differences aside and embrace our commonalities or we will continue to face hate and distrust.
It is not the American people that are disliked by Muslims and other groups around the world. Young muslims embrace American culture. It is the governments and the quest for money and power by people within and on the outskirts of government that are not trusted. I for one share that mistrust. The young muslims will be the leaders within the next 10 years. Let's not alienate them. Peace is cheaper and a lot more productive than warfare and occupation.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Castration
One of the more familiar things you will hear when walking around Brooklyn during a heated exchange between two men is "I'll cut your balls off and make you eat them." This is a combination of an out of office medical procedure and a less than gourmet experience. However, I do not actually believe that most men will agree to having their balls cut off and I am sure that if someone did cut off their balls they would probably refuse to eat them.
Now, maybe if they are cooked properly. Out west, people eat prarie oysters which consists of dried, dyed and laid to the side sheep testicles. I understand that this is quite a delicacy but one which I do not have any desire to try. So, testicles can be fried. Poached in wine. Run through a food processer and made into a pate. Betty Crocker doesn't cover this subject, neither does Julia Child. I am sure there are a thousand ways to prepare and cook them. Still I have no desire to try them. I will try nearly anything at least once but I put my foot down when offered testicles or any land crawling or flying insect. I tried sea squirt once and that was probably the worst thing I have ever eaten to this point.
Castration can be a useful tool. It takes the edge off of agressive personalities. Castrated cattle are oxen. Castrated horses are geldings. Castrated men are called eunuchs or husbands. In the olden days, male slaves were castrated in order to guard harems. It was common belief that castrated men had no sex drive. They were wrong. Eunuchs were probably one of the greatest scams perpetrated throughout history. Eunuchs probably got together at the nearest tavern and had a big laugh over this.
There is a two year college in Colorado that specializes in Ranch and Herd Management. One of the first things they teach their students is how to properly castrate a colt. You would think that a thing like this is done with surgical precision. You would be wrong.
The young cowboy apprentice must grab the testicles and rip them off in one quick motion. That same young cowboy probably has to be able to run real fast especially if he fails to do it properly. When I had read this (in Smithsonian Managzine) I had testicle pain for a week. The reason they rip it off rather than cut is because the ripping motion creates severe trauma and the horse's body will compensate by reducing the blood flow to the area allowing the wound to clot and heal faster. A cut from a blade would cause excessive bleeding and the horse will not be in any mood to let you go down there with a needle and thread to sew up the wound.
The topic of castration reminds me of a joke.
An American goes to a Mexican restaurant around the corner from a bull fighting arena. He watches as the waiter brings a plate of two round objects to the next table. He asks the waiter what he had just served and was told that those were the testicles of the bull that lost it's battle next door. The American asked for the same and was informed that he will have to wait until the next fight is over. Thirty minutes later the waiter comes out with a plate with two tiny testicles. When the American asked why the ones served at the other table were so big and his were so small the waiter responded "But Senor, the bull doesn't always lose!"
Well, on that note I shall take leave. I wish a Happy Mother's day to my two or three readers of the feminine gender. And I must point out that marriage counselling and therapy is preferred over castration by 9 men out of 10.
Now, maybe if they are cooked properly. Out west, people eat prarie oysters which consists of dried, dyed and laid to the side sheep testicles. I understand that this is quite a delicacy but one which I do not have any desire to try. So, testicles can be fried. Poached in wine. Run through a food processer and made into a pate. Betty Crocker doesn't cover this subject, neither does Julia Child. I am sure there are a thousand ways to prepare and cook them. Still I have no desire to try them. I will try nearly anything at least once but I put my foot down when offered testicles or any land crawling or flying insect. I tried sea squirt once and that was probably the worst thing I have ever eaten to this point.
Castration can be a useful tool. It takes the edge off of agressive personalities. Castrated cattle are oxen. Castrated horses are geldings. Castrated men are called eunuchs or husbands. In the olden days, male slaves were castrated in order to guard harems. It was common belief that castrated men had no sex drive. They were wrong. Eunuchs were probably one of the greatest scams perpetrated throughout history. Eunuchs probably got together at the nearest tavern and had a big laugh over this.
There is a two year college in Colorado that specializes in Ranch and Herd Management. One of the first things they teach their students is how to properly castrate a colt. You would think that a thing like this is done with surgical precision. You would be wrong.
The young cowboy apprentice must grab the testicles and rip them off in one quick motion. That same young cowboy probably has to be able to run real fast especially if he fails to do it properly. When I had read this (in Smithsonian Managzine) I had testicle pain for a week. The reason they rip it off rather than cut is because the ripping motion creates severe trauma and the horse's body will compensate by reducing the blood flow to the area allowing the wound to clot and heal faster. A cut from a blade would cause excessive bleeding and the horse will not be in any mood to let you go down there with a needle and thread to sew up the wound.
The topic of castration reminds me of a joke.
An American goes to a Mexican restaurant around the corner from a bull fighting arena. He watches as the waiter brings a plate of two round objects to the next table. He asks the waiter what he had just served and was told that those were the testicles of the bull that lost it's battle next door. The American asked for the same and was informed that he will have to wait until the next fight is over. Thirty minutes later the waiter comes out with a plate with two tiny testicles. When the American asked why the ones served at the other table were so big and his were so small the waiter responded "But Senor, the bull doesn't always lose!"
Well, on that note I shall take leave. I wish a Happy Mother's day to my two or three readers of the feminine gender. And I must point out that marriage counselling and therapy is preferred over castration by 9 men out of 10.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Brooklyn Crime - A Somewhat True Tale: The True Cost of Tee-Shirts
Disclaimer: The story you are about to read is partially true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, although no one is truly innocent.
My name is Joe Saturday. I write a blog. My partner, Ilana, is sitting at her desk eating a piece of chocolate brownie and trying to annoy the obnoxious couple who live downstairs by stomping on the floor and making loud sounds. She is very good at annoying the couple and she is quite proud of her accomplishment.
Actually, Joe Saturday is me and Ilana is my wife. Not that you need care about that but I will relate a story that involved my son, who is now a prominent Doctor and Lawyer, okay, okay, he is a civil servant like the rest of his immediate family. I will refer to him as Obama to protect his identity.
Obama, was in his late 17s and starting his first semester at his institution of higher learning in the Midwood section of Brooklyn when a shady person attracted his attention.
"Psst. Hey you, com'eer. Ya want a T-shirt?"
"Uh, sure. How much?"
"It's free."
"It's kinda plain".
"What the f..k! I said it's free. Ya wan'it or not?"
"Yeah. I'll take it. Whad I got to do for it?"
"Sign here, and you'll get a credit card with a really high credit limit."
"They'll never approve it. I don't have a job."
"Dats the beauty of it. Ya don't need a f..kin' job to get credit with us. We're even gonna give ya a break and charge ya 29% interest and all ya got to do is pay the minimum each month. You gonna sign it or what?".
"Okay. I'll sign it"
"Thanks buddy. Here's your tee. Send your friends to see me. I'll hook'm up real good."
A week later, Obama, received his credit card and within a few months racked up $4,000 in debt buying electronics, kegs of beer and a new wardrobe. When the bill came he realized that he was up shit's creek and knew that he could not pay that bill. So like any other intelligent person in his age group, he put the invoice in his drawer and forgot about it. Two other bills insued and they joined their pal in the top right hand drawer of his desk.
It was at this point that an enforcer, Charlie "No Nose" Numnutz, started calling the house and when I answered and he said " You Obama?"
"No. I am his father. Can I help you?"
"Your son Obama owes us money and he has not made good on his marker". Kinda Runyonesque, isn't it? I think it makes the story better.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Charlie Numnutz from American Express. Your kid owes us money and I am calling to collect what he rightfully owes us."
"How much does he owe you?"
"For reasons of proprioty, I cannot tell you that. I can only tell you that your son is welching on us and if he don't pay we will ruin his credit rating. You wouldn't want to see anything happen to your son's credit rating. Would ya?"
"I couldn't give a damn about his credit rating. He owes you money, sue him"
"What! You don't give a F..k about his credit rating. What kinda parent are you? Look buddy, if you don't pay on his debt I'll sue you and put him in jail."
"Look idiot. Don't threaten me. You gave a minor without a job a credit card. You can't put him in jail and you can't sue me. So quit calling us and if you like you can come to my house and personally ask for the money."
Actually the Brooklyn way of saying that would be "Listen pal, you don't know who the fuck you're dealin wit. So why don't you come to my door so I can fuck your face over with my fist." But I have evolved a little higher than that and deal with people with a modicum of civility.
This event occurred a decade ago and after having expressed my opinions to elected officials, newpapers and various city and state agencies, this abuse still goes on and adds to the student loan debts that our kids will be saddled with for the next twenty years of their lives.
Credit card providers are out of control. They are allowed to charge interest rates that 20 years ago would have been deemed criminal. They give credit to kids without jobs because they count on the parents to pay their debt to keep their credit ratings intact. I am a supporter of our President and a staunch democrat, but I feel too little is being done to correct this situation. We bailed out the banks but we are still being victimized by them.
Colleges are allowing this miscarriage of justice to occur on their campuses and no one has made any real effort to stop this from happening and protect our children and grandchildren. I implore everyone to express their concerns to their elected officials and demand that this practice by stopped. Until next time.
My name is Joe Saturday. I write a blog. My partner, Ilana, is sitting at her desk eating a piece of chocolate brownie and trying to annoy the obnoxious couple who live downstairs by stomping on the floor and making loud sounds. She is very good at annoying the couple and she is quite proud of her accomplishment.
Actually, Joe Saturday is me and Ilana is my wife. Not that you need care about that but I will relate a story that involved my son, who is now a prominent Doctor and Lawyer, okay, okay, he is a civil servant like the rest of his immediate family. I will refer to him as Obama to protect his identity.
Obama, was in his late 17s and starting his first semester at his institution of higher learning in the Midwood section of Brooklyn when a shady person attracted his attention.
"Psst. Hey you, com'eer. Ya want a T-shirt?"
"Uh, sure. How much?"
"It's free."
"It's kinda plain".
"What the f..k! I said it's free. Ya wan'it or not?"
"Yeah. I'll take it. Whad I got to do for it?"
"Sign here, and you'll get a credit card with a really high credit limit."
"They'll never approve it. I don't have a job."
"Dats the beauty of it. Ya don't need a f..kin' job to get credit with us. We're even gonna give ya a break and charge ya 29% interest and all ya got to do is pay the minimum each month. You gonna sign it or what?".
"Okay. I'll sign it"
"Thanks buddy. Here's your tee. Send your friends to see me. I'll hook'm up real good."
A week later, Obama, received his credit card and within a few months racked up $4,000 in debt buying electronics, kegs of beer and a new wardrobe. When the bill came he realized that he was up shit's creek and knew that he could not pay that bill. So like any other intelligent person in his age group, he put the invoice in his drawer and forgot about it. Two other bills insued and they joined their pal in the top right hand drawer of his desk.
It was at this point that an enforcer, Charlie "No Nose" Numnutz, started calling the house and when I answered and he said " You Obama?"
"No. I am his father. Can I help you?"
"Your son Obama owes us money and he has not made good on his marker". Kinda Runyonesque, isn't it? I think it makes the story better.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Charlie Numnutz from American Express. Your kid owes us money and I am calling to collect what he rightfully owes us."
"How much does he owe you?"
"For reasons of proprioty, I cannot tell you that. I can only tell you that your son is welching on us and if he don't pay we will ruin his credit rating. You wouldn't want to see anything happen to your son's credit rating. Would ya?"
"I couldn't give a damn about his credit rating. He owes you money, sue him"
"What! You don't give a F..k about his credit rating. What kinda parent are you? Look buddy, if you don't pay on his debt I'll sue you and put him in jail."
"Look idiot. Don't threaten me. You gave a minor without a job a credit card. You can't put him in jail and you can't sue me. So quit calling us and if you like you can come to my house and personally ask for the money."
Actually the Brooklyn way of saying that would be "Listen pal, you don't know who the fuck you're dealin wit. So why don't you come to my door so I can fuck your face over with my fist." But I have evolved a little higher than that and deal with people with a modicum of civility.
This event occurred a decade ago and after having expressed my opinions to elected officials, newpapers and various city and state agencies, this abuse still goes on and adds to the student loan debts that our kids will be saddled with for the next twenty years of their lives.
Credit card providers are out of control. They are allowed to charge interest rates that 20 years ago would have been deemed criminal. They give credit to kids without jobs because they count on the parents to pay their debt to keep their credit ratings intact. I am a supporter of our President and a staunch democrat, but I feel too little is being done to correct this situation. We bailed out the banks but we are still being victimized by them.
Colleges are allowing this miscarriage of justice to occur on their campuses and no one has made any real effort to stop this from happening and protect our children and grandchildren. I implore everyone to express their concerns to their elected officials and demand that this practice by stopped. Until next time.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Rescuing Strays
I am a firm believer in rescuing dogs from the shelter. My pet, Lady, was rescued from the animal shelter on Linden Boulevard. She was a five something (year old) bundle of fur who would have probably been euthanized had we not rescued her. She is smart, loving and very well behaved. I couldn't have asked for a better pet and she only cost us $40.00.
The recent eruptions of a volcano in Iceland had left thousands of people stranded in the airports. Watching the news, a young scottish lass was interviewed. She had only six dollars left and no place to go. Mayor Bloomberg showed his generosity to people like her by informing them that he had negotiated with Manhattan hotels to cut 15% off their rack rates. The stranded can now rent a hotel room in Manhattan for $240.00 a night instead of $300.00! A generous offer.
I had an epifany! I said to my lovely wife, "Wife! lets go to the airport and rescue a stranded tourist". Ilana said that this was a great idea but first we must clean the house. I retorted, that the beauty of rescuing a stranded tourist is that we can make them clean the house and cook for us in lieu of paying boarding fees.
We went to Kennedy airport and asked the information desk where we could rescue a tourist. The agent gaped at us with a dumfounded look and said he didn't know. We repeated this query several times and people stared at us as if we were from Mars. I went around asking people if they needed to be rescued. Finally an old man missing teeth, in shabby clothes and reeking of alcohol said "I wanna be reshcued!". I asked him what country he was from and he said "I don live in the cunry, I live in the city". I told him that he was not the kind of stray I am looking for, gave him my empty soda bottle and moved on.
I was hoping to find the Swedish Hot Tropic Bikini team stranded but, search high and low, I could not find them. An English woman did come up to us and said she and her children needed a place to stay, but English food tends to be boring and I would rather have a family from France, Italy, Spain or Greece where the cuisine is more appealing to me. I told the woman that it wouldn't work out and left.
It occurred to us that we don't really know what kind of person we would be inviting to our home. For all we know the person could be a serial killer or worse, an insurance salesman. (I would have said lawyer, but I have several lawyers in the family and would not want to offend them).
I think that this whole process could have been done better. I will make some suggestions to the Port Authority for the future and until then I am looking forward to the next tragedy.
The recent eruptions of a volcano in Iceland had left thousands of people stranded in the airports. Watching the news, a young scottish lass was interviewed. She had only six dollars left and no place to go. Mayor Bloomberg showed his generosity to people like her by informing them that he had negotiated with Manhattan hotels to cut 15% off their rack rates. The stranded can now rent a hotel room in Manhattan for $240.00 a night instead of $300.00! A generous offer.
I had an epifany! I said to my lovely wife, "Wife! lets go to the airport and rescue a stranded tourist". Ilana said that this was a great idea but first we must clean the house. I retorted, that the beauty of rescuing a stranded tourist is that we can make them clean the house and cook for us in lieu of paying boarding fees.
We went to Kennedy airport and asked the information desk where we could rescue a tourist. The agent gaped at us with a dumfounded look and said he didn't know. We repeated this query several times and people stared at us as if we were from Mars. I went around asking people if they needed to be rescued. Finally an old man missing teeth, in shabby clothes and reeking of alcohol said "I wanna be reshcued!". I asked him what country he was from and he said "I don live in the cunry, I live in the city". I told him that he was not the kind of stray I am looking for, gave him my empty soda bottle and moved on.
I was hoping to find the Swedish Hot Tropic Bikini team stranded but, search high and low, I could not find them. An English woman did come up to us and said she and her children needed a place to stay, but English food tends to be boring and I would rather have a family from France, Italy, Spain or Greece where the cuisine is more appealing to me. I told the woman that it wouldn't work out and left.
It occurred to us that we don't really know what kind of person we would be inviting to our home. For all we know the person could be a serial killer or worse, an insurance salesman. (I would have said lawyer, but I have several lawyers in the family and would not want to offend them).
I think that this whole process could have been done better. I will make some suggestions to the Port Authority for the future and until then I am looking forward to the next tragedy.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Writer's Block and the Art of Getting Pissed Off
Here I am sitting at my desk trying to post a new addition to my blog and I have absolutely nothing to add. I am trying to draw up some deep angst and can not find anything that makes me want to complain this week. Damn it! I am back a week from my vacation and should have enough grievences to fill a phone book.
If I am going to remain calm for a week after a vacation, then dagnabit, I will not take any more vacations until I can come back from one sufficiently peeved. I like my bosses this week. The Tea Party people don't bother me, the pending 2012 end of the world doesn't even create a stir in me. I even like my kids.
Endorphins are powerful stuff. I am currenly applying bamboo splints under my finger nails, and I am still not pissing myself off. I would appreciate emails from friends and family that can bring me down to a more depressed state so I can get back on track with my life.
Wait a second, I just remembered something that is bringing my mood down a step or two. I am running out of jam and preserved goods. I had matzo brie this morning and had to use spreadable fruit instead of strawberry jam ( is there a difference?). If anyone is going to Kitchen Kettle Village in Bird-in-hand, Pennsylvania, please pick up the following items for me:
2 Qts of Chow Chow
1 Qt of Pickeled Beets
1 Qt of Pepper Cabbage
2 pint jars of Straberry Jam (with seeds)
2 pint jars of Grape Jam
2 pint jars of Vidalia Onion Relish
Please call me or email me at balevine@mail.com before buying to avoid duplicate orders.
If I am going to remain calm for a week after a vacation, then dagnabit, I will not take any more vacations until I can come back from one sufficiently peeved. I like my bosses this week. The Tea Party people don't bother me, the pending 2012 end of the world doesn't even create a stir in me. I even like my kids.
Endorphins are powerful stuff. I am currenly applying bamboo splints under my finger nails, and I am still not pissing myself off. I would appreciate emails from friends and family that can bring me down to a more depressed state so I can get back on track with my life.
Wait a second, I just remembered something that is bringing my mood down a step or two. I am running out of jam and preserved goods. I had matzo brie this morning and had to use spreadable fruit instead of strawberry jam ( is there a difference?). If anyone is going to Kitchen Kettle Village in Bird-in-hand, Pennsylvania, please pick up the following items for me:
2 Qts of Chow Chow
1 Qt of Pickeled Beets
1 Qt of Pepper Cabbage
2 pint jars of Straberry Jam (with seeds)
2 pint jars of Grape Jam
2 pint jars of Vidalia Onion Relish
Please call me or email me at balevine@mail.com before buying to avoid duplicate orders.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Baltimore's Inner Harbour
We arrived in Charm City Thursday evening after a long, arduous trek from Virginia. I have never visited Baltimore before and figured this would be a good opportunity to visit. The first night we were here I was disappointed. There was not much we could find to do and couldn't figure out where the closest crab house was so we ended up eating at Mo's. They do not serve Flaming Mo's at this establishment.
We were a little hesitant as the first three reviews we found on the internet panned the restaurant, however, the hotel desk person said it was one of her favorite restaurants. We ate there and I was duly pleased. Word of advice, their portions are tremendous and an appetizer and main course can easily be shared by two people. And this is coming from a person who can eat.
The next morning started out well. The heat wave (90 degrees in early April) ended and the air was cool and crisp. We started to explore the inner harbour area and had a great time. The National Aquarium was well worth visiting and get this, Baltimore has a free bus called the Charm City circulator. There are three lines, and I will say it again, FREE! They run 10 minutes apart and they are FREE! FREE!. If the Circulator doesn't go where you want to go, the city bus lines are $1.60 and an all day pass is $3.50 do you hear that NYC Transit Authority, $3.60 for an all day pass!
NYC hired the same developers who did the Inner Harbour here to develop the South Street Seaport. We should ask for our money back. There is no comparison. You can easily walk around the inner harbour if you don't want to take the circulator, I would say it encompasses approximately 2 miles, or you can pay $9.00 for an all day water taxi pass to 12 different points of embarkation.
Since we were disappointed about finding a nearby crab house the evening before, we still wanted to experience Baltimore dining and ate at Pizzeria Uno and Chicago Grill on Pratt Street. I hand it to the Baltimorians to come up with the idea of a deep dish pizza. Baltimore Deep dish pizza while watching the Orioles on their myriad big screen TVs. I can't wait to go to Chicago to try their Boston cream pie.
The cost of hotels and restaurants here is two thirds what you would expect to pay in Manhattan, may be less. We stayed at a Fairfield Inn (Marriott) which was converted from an old brewery, and there is a tavern in the hotel. This was a boutique style hotel for $123 a night (not including parking and taxes). The Nu hotel in downtown Brooklyn charges up to $400 a night for the same ambiance.
The day we were here was opening day for the Orioles. They (Orioles)lost but people were friendly and outgoing. Riders on the circulator talk to you as if you were there neighbors. I don't know about the rest of Baltimore, but the Inner Harbour area is worth spending two to three nights, possibly longer if you use it as a jumping off area to visit DC and Annapolis.
Did I mention that a three bedroom, two bath apartment with central air runs about $1,100 a month in a decent neighborhood?
We were a little hesitant as the first three reviews we found on the internet panned the restaurant, however, the hotel desk person said it was one of her favorite restaurants. We ate there and I was duly pleased. Word of advice, their portions are tremendous and an appetizer and main course can easily be shared by two people. And this is coming from a person who can eat.
The next morning started out well. The heat wave (90 degrees in early April) ended and the air was cool and crisp. We started to explore the inner harbour area and had a great time. The National Aquarium was well worth visiting and get this, Baltimore has a free bus called the Charm City circulator. There are three lines, and I will say it again, FREE! They run 10 minutes apart and they are FREE! FREE!. If the Circulator doesn't go where you want to go, the city bus lines are $1.60 and an all day pass is $3.50 do you hear that NYC Transit Authority, $3.60 for an all day pass!
NYC hired the same developers who did the Inner Harbour here to develop the South Street Seaport. We should ask for our money back. There is no comparison. You can easily walk around the inner harbour if you don't want to take the circulator, I would say it encompasses approximately 2 miles, or you can pay $9.00 for an all day water taxi pass to 12 different points of embarkation.
Since we were disappointed about finding a nearby crab house the evening before, we still wanted to experience Baltimore dining and ate at Pizzeria Uno and Chicago Grill on Pratt Street. I hand it to the Baltimorians to come up with the idea of a deep dish pizza. Baltimore Deep dish pizza while watching the Orioles on their myriad big screen TVs. I can't wait to go to Chicago to try their Boston cream pie.
The cost of hotels and restaurants here is two thirds what you would expect to pay in Manhattan, may be less. We stayed at a Fairfield Inn (Marriott) which was converted from an old brewery, and there is a tavern in the hotel. This was a boutique style hotel for $123 a night (not including parking and taxes). The Nu hotel in downtown Brooklyn charges up to $400 a night for the same ambiance.
The day we were here was opening day for the Orioles. They (Orioles)lost but people were friendly and outgoing. Riders on the circulator talk to you as if you were there neighbors. I don't know about the rest of Baltimore, but the Inner Harbour area is worth spending two to three nights, possibly longer if you use it as a jumping off area to visit DC and Annapolis.
Did I mention that a three bedroom, two bath apartment with central air runs about $1,100 a month in a decent neighborhood?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Anti-Socialism
I have come to the conclusion that I am basically an anti-social person. I can count my friends on one hand and that includes their spouses. I have many aquaintances and I am liked, at least on a personal level by my peers, supervisors and staff members in my charge but friends I have few.
Even in my plans for retirement I would prefer to live in the woods and far enough away from my neighbors not to see or hear them. I see myself in a few years as a cantankerous, old hermit shooting at revenoors, Jehovahs witnesses and strangers coming to my mountain to either tax me, sell me something or convert me.
But wait! Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I am becoming Thoreau contemplating nature at Walden Pond. I can become a great writer and this blog is what started it. Okay, I know I am stretching the point.
Lets get back to anti-socialism. What are the benefits of having few friends?
1. You save money because you don't have to go out to satisfy your friends social needs.
2. You save money on birthday and anniversary gifts and you don't recieve gifts that you don't want. Which is a good thing because it is hard to re-gift when you have a few friends.
3. You don't have to visit tourist attractions, such as Quilt museums, that your friend's wife wants to see and you would rather have a tooth pulled than spend another 5 minutes hearing "Look at the fine stitchery" again.
4. You don't have to keep the house clean because someone may show up unexpectedly.
I wonder if living in Brooklyn is the reason for my anti-social tendencies. Statistics show approximately 2,600,000 people live in the 72 square miles of Brooklyn. If you include doubled up families and undocumented aliens that figure can exceed 3,000,000 people. If I lived in New Paultz, a charming hamlet in upstate New York, would I still feel like running to a log cabin in the Catskills? Probably. After all Everyone is only concerned with their wants and needs which conflicts with my wants and needs. If everyone else was concerned with my wants and needs and made every effort to accommodate me without any resentment, I would find that acceptable.
Until I become a sultan and Ilana lets me have a harem, I have no choice than to remain a social outcast and aspire to a life of ascetic self-imposed exile to a cabin on Walden pond.
I have monetized my blog with a link to Amazon. You can buy nearly everything you may ever need on Amazon. Please make your purchases through the link on my page so I can make enough money to travel around the world when I am not meditating in my log cabin.
Even in my plans for retirement I would prefer to live in the woods and far enough away from my neighbors not to see or hear them. I see myself in a few years as a cantankerous, old hermit shooting at revenoors, Jehovahs witnesses and strangers coming to my mountain to either tax me, sell me something or convert me.
But wait! Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I am becoming Thoreau contemplating nature at Walden Pond. I can become a great writer and this blog is what started it. Okay, I know I am stretching the point.
Lets get back to anti-socialism. What are the benefits of having few friends?
1. You save money because you don't have to go out to satisfy your friends social needs.
2. You save money on birthday and anniversary gifts and you don't recieve gifts that you don't want. Which is a good thing because it is hard to re-gift when you have a few friends.
3. You don't have to visit tourist attractions, such as Quilt museums, that your friend's wife wants to see and you would rather have a tooth pulled than spend another 5 minutes hearing "Look at the fine stitchery" again.
4. You don't have to keep the house clean because someone may show up unexpectedly.
I wonder if living in Brooklyn is the reason for my anti-social tendencies. Statistics show approximately 2,600,000 people live in the 72 square miles of Brooklyn. If you include doubled up families and undocumented aliens that figure can exceed 3,000,000 people. If I lived in New Paultz, a charming hamlet in upstate New York, would I still feel like running to a log cabin in the Catskills? Probably. After all Everyone is only concerned with their wants and needs which conflicts with my wants and needs. If everyone else was concerned with my wants and needs and made every effort to accommodate me without any resentment, I would find that acceptable.
Until I become a sultan and Ilana lets me have a harem, I have no choice than to remain a social outcast and aspire to a life of ascetic self-imposed exile to a cabin on Walden pond.
I have monetized my blog with a link to Amazon. You can buy nearly everything you may ever need on Amazon. Please make your purchases through the link on my page so I can make enough money to travel around the world when I am not meditating in my log cabin.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Can it be? I left Brooklyn to the wilds of Williamsburg, Virginia. I love Brooklyn, but let's face it, you have to get away once in a while. Don't think about robbing my house while I am away. I have a vicious dog that is trained to kill and two cantankerous kids at home.
We left Brooklyn at 11:30 AM and checked in at the Hampton Inn (one of at least 3 in Williamsburg proper) at 7:00 PM. Very nice, I would recommend it. Ilana, my loving spouse for the last 29 years, pointed out that this is the last time we can ever come to Williamsburg as there are three dinner theaters and when we do the next one there are no more.
We stopped at a Burger King in New Joisey on the way here to grab a quick bite. Did you know that once you leave the state of New York Passover is officially over? It seems that I have been eating Matzoh for so long that I forgot what that soft bread like thing surrounding my burger was. While eating, this little brat behind me kicks his chair into my finger. I moved the chair and the mother put the chair right back where it was and the kid kept kicking it into me. I jumped up yelled at the people while spitting out food. They got up and left. Now that is a Brooklyn move. No offense New Jersey, a Brooklyn man spitting out food is more intimidating than the Jersey Devil.
Several years ago we were visiting my in-laws and went to a shoe store in Redlands,California. When we paid, the clerk asked where we were from. I informed him that we were from Brooklyn. His response was, "But you are so nice". For all of ymy readers (all two) not familiar with Brooklyn, Saturday Night Fever only portrays a small percentage of Brooklynites. Don't forget that Dr. Cliff Huxtable is also from Brooklyn as was Danny Kaye and Rita Haywood.
We left Brooklyn at 11:30 AM and checked in at the Hampton Inn (one of at least 3 in Williamsburg proper) at 7:00 PM. Very nice, I would recommend it. Ilana, my loving spouse for the last 29 years, pointed out that this is the last time we can ever come to Williamsburg as there are three dinner theaters and when we do the next one there are no more.
We stopped at a Burger King in New Joisey on the way here to grab a quick bite. Did you know that once you leave the state of New York Passover is officially over? It seems that I have been eating Matzoh for so long that I forgot what that soft bread like thing surrounding my burger was. While eating, this little brat behind me kicks his chair into my finger. I moved the chair and the mother put the chair right back where it was and the kid kept kicking it into me. I jumped up yelled at the people while spitting out food. They got up and left. Now that is a Brooklyn move. No offense New Jersey, a Brooklyn man spitting out food is more intimidating than the Jersey Devil.
Several years ago we were visiting my in-laws and went to a shoe store in Redlands,California. When we paid, the clerk asked where we were from. I informed him that we were from Brooklyn. His response was, "But you are so nice". For all of ymy readers (all two) not familiar with Brooklyn, Saturday Night Fever only portrays a small percentage of Brooklynites. Don't forget that Dr. Cliff Huxtable is also from Brooklyn as was Danny Kaye and Rita Haywood.
Friday, April 2, 2010
NIT: End of an era
I went to the NIT final last night with my son and watched North Carolina be trounced by the Flyers of Dayton University. Little did we know that this was most likely the last NIT final that would ever be played. If you are not up to the world of basketball, the NCAA is considering expanding their end of season tourney to 96 teams. This effectively will envelope the 32 teams that comprise the NIT tourney.
Years ago the NIT was the premier end of season tourney. But over the years the NCAA championship has put a lock on the stronger teams as the champion of each conference gets an automatic berth to the tournement.
Of the 19,000 plus seats in Madison Square Garden approximately 6000 seats were occupied. To the majority of fans wearing Carolina blue or Dayton red tees they didn't need to fill the remaining 13,000 seats. This was there moment and they exuded enough cheer to fill the arena with noise.
Though I am not a fervent fan of either school (however, I do lean towards UNC), I did take vicarious pleasure in watching the fans cheer on their schools. As a graduate of Brooklyn College, I never had the opportunity to experience that kind of fervor for my alma mater's teams. The sound that two hundred fans make does not quite compare to the 6000 at last nights game. Can you imagine the sound of 33,000 fans at Syracuse's Carrier stadium?
Believe it or not, Brooklyn College did try to make a foray into NCAA I basketball in the 70's as they had Kingsborough Basketball great Ed Middleton who was the leading community college scorer in the nation. This didn't last long as it is extremely expensive to play ball at this level and Brooklyn College could never sell enough seats to make it worthwhile for a top college team to play them. They managed to get a game with Syracuse, but only under the condition that the game be played at Carrier.
When I was young I followed All Americans Barry Kramer of NYU and Luther Green at LIU. Yes, younger peoples, these were NCAA 1 schools at one time and played on the level of Uconn, Duke, Georgetown, Dayton and North Carolina. The NIT was the big tourney and if you didn't get invited to this tournament you played in the less prestigious NCAA tournement.
NIT had a great run but as with phones with rotary dials, black and white TVs and transistor radios everything eventually comess to an end. Heres to next years NCAA tournement and here's my advice to Tyler Zeller the 7 foot center at UNC, pack on twenty pounds of muscle for next season and hold your ground when your opponent drives on you.
Years ago the NIT was the premier end of season tourney. But over the years the NCAA championship has put a lock on the stronger teams as the champion of each conference gets an automatic berth to the tournement.
Of the 19,000 plus seats in Madison Square Garden approximately 6000 seats were occupied. To the majority of fans wearing Carolina blue or Dayton red tees they didn't need to fill the remaining 13,000 seats. This was there moment and they exuded enough cheer to fill the arena with noise.
Though I am not a fervent fan of either school (however, I do lean towards UNC), I did take vicarious pleasure in watching the fans cheer on their schools. As a graduate of Brooklyn College, I never had the opportunity to experience that kind of fervor for my alma mater's teams. The sound that two hundred fans make does not quite compare to the 6000 at last nights game. Can you imagine the sound of 33,000 fans at Syracuse's Carrier stadium?
Believe it or not, Brooklyn College did try to make a foray into NCAA I basketball in the 70's as they had Kingsborough Basketball great Ed Middleton who was the leading community college scorer in the nation. This didn't last long as it is extremely expensive to play ball at this level and Brooklyn College could never sell enough seats to make it worthwhile for a top college team to play them. They managed to get a game with Syracuse, but only under the condition that the game be played at Carrier.
When I was young I followed All Americans Barry Kramer of NYU and Luther Green at LIU. Yes, younger peoples, these were NCAA 1 schools at one time and played on the level of Uconn, Duke, Georgetown, Dayton and North Carolina. The NIT was the big tourney and if you didn't get invited to this tournament you played in the less prestigious NCAA tournement.
NIT had a great run but as with phones with rotary dials, black and white TVs and transistor radios everything eventually comess to an end. Heres to next years NCAA tournement and here's my advice to Tyler Zeller the 7 foot center at UNC, pack on twenty pounds of muscle for next season and hold your ground when your opponent drives on you.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Welcome to my blog
We watched Julie and Julia last night and now I am inspired to add my two cents to the world of bloggage. I am aware that my blog can be read by anyone at anytime, therefore I am reasonably sure that I can be careful enough not to write anything that can be compromising to anyone including myself. The good thing though is that I am old enough that if I should say something that is offensive to anyone, it won't be a national calamity.
I believe that the most challenging thing about writing a coherent blog is actually finding it to update it at a later time. In my blog I will attempt to comment on issues from the local, national and international stage. I believe my viewpoints are essentially consistent with the viewpoints of many reasonably intelligent Brooklynites.
I am up to discussing most if not all issues. If I do not have actual expertise in those topics, I will argue the matter out of what I perceive as common sense, at least the common sense of a 50+ year old left of the middle Democrat.
I believe that the most challenging thing about writing a coherent blog is actually finding it to update it at a later time. In my blog I will attempt to comment on issues from the local, national and international stage. I believe my viewpoints are essentially consistent with the viewpoints of many reasonably intelligent Brooklynites.
I am up to discussing most if not all issues. If I do not have actual expertise in those topics, I will argue the matter out of what I perceive as common sense, at least the common sense of a 50+ year old left of the middle Democrat.
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