On Being Faithful

When I look at myself in my mirror I am disgusted at what I see. I have heard this from others but this feeling of disgust comes from a different place. The face that stares back at me reminds me of my indiscretion. I believe it will take a month or two to get over this feeling but I am also sure that my wonderful wife will always wonder if she can ever trust me again.

After nearly 30 years of marriage to the most wonderful person I had ever known, my lover, best friend, trusted confidant, mother of my children. I had strayed. It happened so innocently I can hardly beilieve it had happened at all.

Last Thursday, I was home from work due to a morning appointment for me and a veterinarian appointment (for Lady, my cute little pooch) in the afternoon. I was driving home from the first appointment and had four hours to kill before the next appointment when I had passed Ariel. I couldn't resist the temptation, pulled into the nearest parking space and proceeded to commit the act that had changed the face of my relationship with Ilana.

I had let someone cut my hair other than my wife.

I walked into the barber shop, Ariel's, smelled the hair product, shaving cream, aftershave, hair spray, disinfectant and the other manly vapors that permeated the atmosphere of this manly lair. My hormones went ballistic and I was hooked. I had asked if they could fit me in and they invited me to sit in a chair that goes up and down and swivels. I stripped down to my underwear and the stylist said "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

I said "Doesn't everybody?" I always strip down to my civies so as not to get hair spinters on my clothes and then I could jump right into the shower. He said "Put your clothes back on. What the hell is wrong with you? There are children here! Look, that kid over there is crying". The kid was crying to his mother "Damn my eyes! Mommy please take me home. NOW!"

I put back on the clothes and explained that I had my hair cut at home for nearly 30 years and thought that it was requisite practice to remove your clothes before getting a hair cut. He rolled his eyes and mumbled something in Hebrew as I sat down in the chair. I twirled the chair around twice. It doesn't get more fun than that!.

When I first married Ilana, I was working for the Welbilt Stove Company as a service technician and traveled through the Bronx and Westchester on my usual route. My vehicle did not have air conditioning and that summer my hair was always a sweaty, oily mess by the time I had got home. One afternoon on a particularly hot and humid day I came home utterly distressed and said that I was going to shave my hair off completely.

Ilana's green eyes lit up and she said, "Can I cut it?" At first I had said, "No way! What if you do a poor job and leave some bald spots?" She responded, "You're going to shave it off anyway. If I mess it up you can always go that route". Impeccable logic. I married a pretty smart woman!

She cut my hair and left three bald spots but the haircut was otherwise pretty, pretty good. The next time she had cut my hair there was only two bald spots. With each succesive hair cut she got really good at it and only drew blood from my ears three or four times after that. Yes, those where happy times. Everything was alright in the world.

Until I strayed.

As I left Ariel's it had occurred to me that I will not be able to hide this betrayal when I pick up Ilana from work. Should I wear a hat? No, that will only postpone the inevitable. Maybe she won't notice and my hair will grow out and she will never find out. I was waiting in front of Ilana's work place and saw her walking to the car with a lovely smile on her face. She sat in the car, gave me a hello kiss and asked how the Vet appointment went. I started to drive off. She didn't notice. Alright I am home free!

Five minutes went by. "YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!" she yelled. "After 30 years you went to someone else!" Busted. What could I do now? Do I lie? Do I try to place the blame on her? I decided not to make up a flimsy lie like, "No. It must be your imagination" or follow the other strategy, "What did you expect? I had asked you last week and you said you had a headache."

No, I couldn't do that to her. Knowing I had strayed placed a heavy toll on my heart I could never compound that by further hurting her feelings or making her doubt her hair cutting skills.

I will have to live with this. Like it or not and I will make amends to restore her trust in me. Before I go to a dentist I will clear it with her first. Maybe that home dental kit I had bought for her 27 years ago was not a great idea.