Castration

One of the more familiar things you will hear when walking around Brooklyn during a heated exchange between two men is "I'll cut your balls off and make you eat them." This is a combination of an out of office medical procedure and a less than gourmet experience. However, I do not actually believe that most men will agree to having their balls cut off and I am sure that if someone did cut off their balls they would probably refuse to eat them.

Now, maybe if they are cooked properly. Out west, people eat prarie oysters which consists of dried, dyed and laid to the side sheep testicles. I understand that this is quite a delicacy but one which I do not have any desire to try. So, testicles can be fried. Poached in wine. Run through a food processer and made into a pate. Betty Crocker doesn't cover this subject, neither does Julia Child. I am sure there are a thousand ways to prepare and cook them. Still I have no desire to try them. I will try nearly anything at least once but I put my foot down when offered testicles or any land crawling or flying insect. I tried sea squirt once and that was probably the worst thing I have ever eaten to this point.

Castration can be a useful tool. It takes the edge off of agressive personalities. Castrated cattle are oxen. Castrated horses are geldings. Castrated men are called eunuchs or husbands. In the olden days, male slaves were castrated in order to guard harems. It was common belief that castrated men had no sex drive. They were wrong. Eunuchs were probably one of the greatest scams perpetrated throughout history. Eunuchs probably got together at the nearest tavern and had a big laugh over this.

There is a two year college in Colorado that specializes in Ranch and Herd Management. One of the first things they teach their students is how to properly castrate a colt. You would think that a thing like this is done with surgical precision. You would be wrong.

The young cowboy apprentice must grab the testicles and rip them off in one quick motion. That same young cowboy probably has to be able to run real fast especially if he fails to do it properly. When I had read this (in Smithsonian Managzine) I had testicle pain for a week. The reason they rip it off rather than cut is because the ripping motion creates severe trauma and the horse's body will compensate by reducing the blood flow to the area allowing the wound to clot and heal faster. A cut from a blade would cause excessive bleeding and the horse will not be in any mood to let you go down there with a needle and thread to sew up the wound.

The topic of castration reminds me of a joke.

An American goes to a Mexican restaurant around the corner from a bull fighting arena. He watches as the waiter brings a plate of two round objects to the next table. He asks the waiter what he had just served and was told that those were the testicles of the bull that lost it's battle next door. The American asked for the same and was informed that he will have to wait until the next fight is over. Thirty minutes later the waiter comes out with a plate with two tiny testicles. When the American asked why the ones served at the other table were so big and his were so small the waiter responded "But Senor, the bull doesn't always lose!"

Well, on that note I shall take leave. I wish a Happy Mother's day to my two or three readers of the feminine gender. And I must point out that marriage counselling and therapy is preferred over castration by 9 men out of 10.