Hobbies

Recently it had occurred to me that other than work and reading when I have time I do not have any hobbies. I do eat and watch TV but I don't really consider those as hobbies. I considered collecting coins and stamps but I found the idea of doing so boring. Besides my reading vision is constantly getting worse and these hobbies would cause a great deal of eye strain.

I remembered when my wife, Ilana, used to crochet she was very happy, calm and relaxed. She would take her little wicker basket, grab her little crochet needle, unroll her little project and start to crochet. Yes. she was very happy indeed. She crochetted (I don't know if this is grammatically correct) bear rugs for the kids, scarves, hats, toilet paper covers, mittens, tapestries and blankets.

That is the kind of hobby I need. If Rosie Greer could knit, I could crochet. If anyone reading this does not know who Rosie Greer was, he was one of the greatest linemen who had played for the New York Jets in the 60's. Rosie was not the robot maid of the Jetsons. If you don't know who the Jetsons will be (they won't be born for another 1000 years), look it up. I got a skein of yarn, a needle and started to crochet. After twenty minutes what I had was an unrecognizable ball of knotted up yarn. Ilana said I could take a class but I vowed never to go back to school so that was a dead issue.

I thought deep. I thought hard. After weeks of thinking I glanced over at an empty box that had some items I received from Amazon and I came up with the perfect hobby. Bubble Wrap.

So now, I come home from work, eat dinner and then when I relax I take out my basket of bubble wrap, seek out a particular sheet that inspires me, unroll and start popping the bubbles. At first I popped them lineally vertical and then horizontal. After a few weeks I became proficient enough to do them diagonally. After a month or two I was able to pop out portraits of presidents. I was so happy. It brought my blood pressure down and it had elevated me to a level of karmic bliss. I could even do it in the bathroom and if it got soiled it is easy to clean!

Unfortunately my hobby did not sit well with my family members. My daughter ripped the bubble wrap out of my hands and said that the constant sound of the bursting bubbles was annoying. Ilana raised the volume of the television, my son made it a point not to come home until he was sure I was asleep and my dog urinated on my basket od bubble wrap. I think it was the dog but I would not put this past my son.

I came home one night and found my entire collection of bubble wrap and my bubble wrap version of Picasso's Guernica missing. I searched the garbage pails but alas I could not find it. The masses had spoke. They were not happy with my choice of hobby. Now I am back to square one and have to devise a new hobby. I am currently trying to combine a Tuba with a bubble solution reservoir and bought a collection of Lawrence Welk CDs. Who knows. I have a little less than four more years before I retire. I think that this can turn into a second career.