The Host to disseminate Erroneous Yaptrap

Ever since I was young my brother, Robert, and I recognized that there was a reprehensible plot to control our thoughts and actions. We were subject to the incessant bombardment of propaganda from our leaders such as...

Vietnam was not a war

The Russians will drop an H-Bomb on us tomorrow

The average American family is as depicted on Father Knows Best and the Donna Reed Show

Corporate America cares for you

America made the best cars

Iraq had weapons of mass destruction

USA has the best and most efficient medical care system in the world

And so on. As the years passed I had learned that we had been fed this drivel so that concerned parties could increase their power base and financial interests. Yes, there may have been a modicum of truth here and there but all-in-all these were gross overstatements designed to scare the bejeezus out of us and keep us in line.

I don't consider myself one who falls for  conspiracy theories and I am adamantly against most. I believe that we landed on the moon several times, Israel was not responsible for the attack on the World Trade Center, The Earth is 4 1/2 to 6 billion years old, the dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago* long before the ancestors of man came into the picture and that we perfected time travel in the 1940's in a attempt to assassinate Hitler but failed miserably.

No matter how nefarious the above attempts to control us has been there is even a darker attempt to control us through propaganda. Instead of feeding us with erroneous information regarding items to control our political, moral and social beliefs there has always been an attempt to force our behavioral patterns and mold us into a cookie cutter ideology. Whenever you try to get to the source of the information we are informed that THEY say these are true. Who are THEY?

I am proud to say no matter how hard THEY tried to get me to fall in line, THEY have failed. It has been my belief that the United Nations was behind this on their quest to dominate the world and increase their black helicopter fleet and their army of agents wearing black. I went through the UN's website looking for a summary of the responsibilities of UNICEF. I have learned that the C in UNICEF stands for Children which confirms that this plot starts here as this propaganda is directed initially to Children.

Some of the propaganda that  I grew up with were:

Swallowing apple seeds or orange pits will cause a tree to grow out of your navel when you are asleep (a blatant attempt by fruit growers in this country to stop people from planting their own orchards).

Smoking cigarettes around children was not detrimental to their health (pandering to the interests of tobacco farmers and cigarette manufacturers)

Butter is bad for you but oleomargarine and hydrogenated trans-fats are not. (The FCC... Fake Food Council)

Getting drunk on alcohol is not as bad as getting high on marijuana (Republicans)

If you cross your eyes and someone slaps you on the back your eyes will remain in the crossed position. (Teachers trying to keep kids from enjoying school. School is serious business)

Masturbation causes poor vision and hairy palms. (Organized religion). My nearsightedness is congenital and I do not have hairy palms. Thank you.

Drinking cold soda after eating hot soup will crack your teeth. (Tooth whitening product manufacturers) This one may be true as I always drank cold soda when eating soup and as of the last count I am down 17 teeth.

Even today when someone tells you something they will start by saying "THEY say..". And once again I must ponder the question... Who are THEY?. While continuing my search into this question at the United Nations website, particularly the UNICEF page, I could not conclusively say that this propaganda is coming from that source. I believe it started there but now I believe that this has escalated into an enormous black plot to control EVERY FACIT OF OUR EXISTANCE! Until I can find out who is behind this plot I will refer to this nameless and secret organization as T.H.E.Y...

The Host to disseminate Erroneous Yaptrap.

I am convinced that Bankers, Detroit and  members of the Tea Party are behind this plot. Whether or not they have the backing of the United Nations is no longer of any significance as their power and influence has increased a thousand fold over the past twenty years. 

Knowledge is power. In order to keep them from learning any more about me I buy everything using cash. I have lined my walls with aluminum foil to thwart their eavesdropping and mind reading devices. I speak on the telephone in code. For example when I call my wife to tell her I am going to the grocery store I say "Ilana, look around and make sure no one is reading your lips. I am going hunting and gathering. Good bye" and hang up quickly before she can utter a single word.

Dammit! Now they know my code speak! Why did I write this in my blog? Now I have to get a new code for going to the grocery. I better be careful before I know it there may be men in black knocking at my front door. Wait. There is a knock at my front door, let me see who is there. I'll be right back....

... Two men in white coats are out there! Thank god they are not wearing black. Well I must say goodbye for now. But before I do, promise me one thing... you will not fall victim to stupid conspiracy theories, tea party rhetoric, vote for Obama at the next election and always keep a look out for... THEY!

Note: The opinions I have wrote about in this essay do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of my brother, Robert.

* The Flintstones were actually an advanced humanoid race that exhibited ecological friendly technology who did exist along with the dinosaurs but are not directly related to the humans who exist today or to our Australopithecus ancestors. The TV show is not animated but actual footage found in archelogical digs in Prospect Park.

This posting was a collaborative effort with Alyssa Levine whose intelligence, charm, sharp wit, neurosis and paranoia compliment my twisted views.